my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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