Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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