I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
