I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
