the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
