She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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