It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
