Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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