mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
P.S. I can't hear my feet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
