when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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