Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
