She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize