Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
