i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
