It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize