Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?