all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???