Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"