I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.