remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM