i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.