I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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