I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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