Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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