so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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