there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
