Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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