Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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