My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I smell stomach acid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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