I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
