that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
