I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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