highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize