woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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