I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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