So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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