I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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