11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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