Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
