im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
