Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
