Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name