do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
