I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
