i permit you to call me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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