Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.