just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
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thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.