I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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