the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
