she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.