there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.