but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.