You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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