I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
