I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
