oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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