mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
