Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
